What is Imago Relationship Therapy?

Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is a form of couples therapy developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt. IRT focuses on healing childhood wounds and transforming conflict into connection in adult romantic relationships. It's designed to help partners deepen intimacy, resolve conflict, and heal relational wounds by understanding each other’s emotional experiences—especially those rooted in childhood.

Here’s a breakdown of the core concepts and tools used in Imago:

Core Concepts/ Core Principles:

1. The Imago:
   Latin for "image," the Imago is the unconscious image of the people who influenced you most strongly during childhood - usually early caregivers. According to IRT, we’re drawn to partners who resemble this imago and reflect both the positive and negative traits of those early relationships because our unconscious mind is seeking healing through the relationship. This creates the potential for growth and re-wounding.

2. Unconscious Relationship Dynamics
   Many romantic conflicts stem from unresolved childhood wounds. Your partner can unknowingly trigger those wounds, leading to reactive behavior. Imago therapy helps bring awareness to these patterns.

3. Stages of relationships:

   1. The Romantic Phase:
      The "honeymoon" stage—intense connection, idealization, and infatuation.

   2. The Power Struggle:
      When differences emerge and unmet needs surface, triggering old wounds. Conflict is seen not as a problem, but as a signal for healing.

4. Conscious Relationship:
   A relationship where both partners are aware of their emotional triggers, take responsibility for their reactions, and commit to mutual healing and growth.

5. Conflict as Growth Opportunity
   Rather than viewing conflict as a sign of incompatibility, IRT sees it as a chance to heal. It’s in the "power struggle" phase of relationships where real transformation can occur.

Key Tools & Techniques

1. The Imago Dialogue (structured communication process):

   • Mirroring: Repeating back what your partner says to show understanding.

     • Ex. One partner reflects back what they heard ("Let me see if I got that...").

   • Validation: Acknowledging your partner’s perspective as valid, even if you disagree.

     • Ex. Acknowledging their perspective ("That makes sense because...").

   • Empathy: Expressing emotional resonance with your partner’s experience.

     • Ex. Connecting with the feeling behind the message ("I imagine you feel...").

2. Behavior Change Requests:
   Partners ask for specific, doable behaviors that would help them feel more loved, safe, or connected.

3. Childhood Wound Exploration:
   Understanding how early experiences shape current relationship dynamics.

4. Safety & Connection Focus:
   Emphasis on creating emotional safety, curiosity instead of judgment, and turning conflict into connection.

Who Is It For?

Imago is especially helpful for:

• Couples stuck in repetitive conflicts

• Relationships with communication breakdowns

• Those who want to deepen intimacy and empathy

• Partners healing from childhood or relational trauma

• Individuals in any stage of relationship (dating, married, separated)

• Even individuals can benefit (e.g., for self-discovery or preparing for future relationships)

Goals of Imago Therapy

• Shift blame and criticism into curiosity and compassion.

• Learn to communicate needs and feelings safely.

• Understand your own emotional triggers and those of your partner.

• Heal childhood wounds that impact your relationship.

• Develop deeper empathy, connection, and intimacy.

What Happens in Sessions

• Partners learn the Imago Dialogue and practice it regularly.

• The therapist helps identify core childhood wounds and patterns.

• Couples explore how unmet needs from childhood play out in the relationship.

• They set intentions for creating a "conscious relationship" rooted in healing.

Example Exercise

Intentional Dialogue Prompt
"One thing that’s been on my mind lately is..."
Partner mirrors, validates, and empathizes. Then they switch roles.

To learn more about IRT, check out Getting The Love You Want.

Contact Bee Blissful today if you are interested in IRT.

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a widely used psychological approach that helps individuals understand and change unhelpful thought patterns, emotions, and behaviors. The core idea behind CBT is that our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are interconnected and influence each other. By modifying negative thoughts and behaviors, individuals can improve their emotional well-being.

CBT Framework: The Cognitive Triangle:

The relationship between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors can be visualized as a triangle:

1. Thoughts – What we think about a situation (our interpretations and beliefs).

2. Emotions – How we feel in response to our thoughts.

3. Behaviors – How we react or respond to those thoughts and emotions.

These elements interact dynamically, often creating self-reinforcing patterns. Click here to download a handout on the Cognitive Triangle,

Example of the CBT Triangle in Action:

Imagine a situation where someone waves at you, but you think they ignored you.

• Thought: "They don’t like me."

• Emotion: You feel sad or rejected.

• Behavior: You avoid interacting with them in the future.

However, if you challenge this thought, the outcome can change:

• Alternative Thought: "Maybe they didn’t see me."

• New Emotion: You feel neutral or understanding.

• New Behavior: You might wave again or talk to them later.

CBT in Practice:

CBT helps people become aware of and challenge cognitive distortions (irrational or exaggerated thought patterns), such as:

• All-or-nothing thinking ("If I fail once, I’m a complete failure.")

• Overgeneralization ("This always happens to me.")

• Mind-reading ("They must think I’m stupid.")

• Catastrophizing ("This is the worst thing ever.")

CBT techniques include:

• Cognitive restructuring (identifying and changing negative thoughts).

• Behavioral activation (engaging in activities that boost mood).

• Exposure therapy (gradually facing feared situations).

• Relaxation techniques (deep breathing, mindfulness).

Goal of CBT:

By recognizing and modifying negative thought patterns, individuals can create healthier emotional responses and more adaptive behaviors, ultimately improving their mental well-being.

Contact Bee Blissful today if you would like a more in-depth look at specific CBT and how it could be beneficial for you.