How To Deal With Chronic Complaining

Chronic complaining can be draining, but it’s often a symptom of unmet needs, feeling powerless, or being stuck in negative thinking loops. So the goal isn’t just to shut it down, but to understand it, redirect it, and create space for change.

Here’s how I might work with chronic complaining, whether in therapy or relationally:

Get Curious, Not Defensive

Instead of reacting to the negativity, I try to validate the emotion underneath.

• What to say:
  “It sounds like this really frustrates you.”
  “It seems like you're feeling overwhelmed. What’s the hardest part?”
  This helps the person feel heard without feeding into the complaining.

Reflect Patterns

Help them see that the pattern is repetitive — gently and without judgment.

• Therapeutically:
  “I’ve noticed we’ve come back to this issue a few times. I wonder if there's something deeper you need that isn’t getting met?”

• In relationships:
  “I care about what you’re saying, and I want to support you. But sometimes it feels like we stay in the problem and not in the solution — can we talk about what would help you feel better?”

Redirect Toward Empowerment

Chronic complainers often feel helpless. Ask questions that move them from stuck to agency:

• “What part of this do you have control over?”

• “If this changed, what would that look like?”

• “What’s one small thing you could do differently next time?”

This helps them shift from venting to problem-solving.

Teach Reframing (If They’re Ready)

In therapy, I might introduce Cognitive Behavioral techniques to challenge distortions like catastrophizing or all-or-nothing thinking.

You can also model reframing by acknowledging the pain and the possibility:

• “That sounds tough — and I admire how you’re still showing up.”

Set Boundaries If Needed

Sometimes, if someone is stuck in a cycle and not willing to shift, you might need to protect your own energy.

• “I care about you, and I want to be supportive — but when the conversation stays focused on the negative, it’s hard for me to stay connected. Can we focus on what’s within your control?”

In short:

• Validate → Reflect the pattern → Empower → Reframe → Set boundaries (if needed)

Contact Bee Blissful today if this is something you’re encountering in a partner or someone else in your life. Therapy can help tailor solutions with more context.