How To Find Intrinsic Motivation

Finding intrinsic motivation — the kind that comes from within rather than external rewards — is all about connecting with what genuinely inspires and fulfills you. Here are some steps to help you discover and nurture it:

1. Reflect on What You Love:

• Ask Yourself: What activities make me lose track of time? What did I love doing as a kid?

• Focus on activities that you do simply because they’re enjoyable or meaningful, not because of a reward or approval.

2. Set Personal Goals:

• Define goals that align with your values and passions, not just what others expect of you.

• Example: If you value creativity, set a goal to write, paint, or build something each week.

3. Focus on Mastery, Not Rewards:

• Choose activities that allow you to improve and challenge yourself. The process of getting better can be motivating by itself.

• Break tasks into smaller parts to see progress more clearly.

4. Find Your “Why”:

• Dig deeper into why you want to do something.

• Example: Instead of “I want to work out,” think “I want to feel strong and energized every day.”

5. Surround Yourself with Passionate People:

• Being around others who are excited about their goals can inspire and energize you.

• Join clubs, online communities, or classes that focus on what you care about.

6. Embrace Curiosity and Play:

• Try things out without worrying about being perfect. Curiosity-driven exploration can uncover passions you didn’t know you had.

• Experiment with hobbies, skills, or topics that intrigue you.

7. Practice Gratitude and Mindfulness:

• Recognizing what you appreciate about your life can shift your mindset to a more positive and self-motivated state.

• Mindfulness helps you stay present and connected to what you genuinely care about.

Contact Bee Blissful if there is something specific you’re trying to get motivated about, working with a therapist can help.

How To Stay Motivated in Couples Counseling

Getting motivated to use skills learned in therapy can be challenging for couples, but a structured plan can help them stay on track. Here’s a step-by-step plan to boost their motivation and engagement:

1. Revisit the “Why”

Goal: Remind them why they started therapy and the benefits they seek.

• Action: Ask each partner to write down their personal reasons for attending therapy and what a successful relationship looks like to them.

• Discussion: Share these reasons with each other to strengthen their commitment.

2. Set small, achievable goals

Goal: Make using therapy skills feel manageable.

• Action: Choose one or two specific skills to focus on each week (e.g., active listening, “I” statements, or emotion regulation techniques).

• Example: Practice reflective listening during one conversation each day.

3. Create a skills calendar

Goal: Build consistency without overwhelm.

• Action: Develop a weekly calendar with 10-15 minute slots to practice skills.

• Example:

  • Monday: Practice deep breathing before a difficult conversation.

  • Wednesday: Use “I feel” statements to discuss a minor issue.

• Bonus: Check off completed tasks for a sense of accomplishment.

4. Use positive reinforcement

Goal: Encourage continued effort.

• Action: Acknowledge each other’s attempts to use new skills with appreciation, not criticism.

• Example: “I really appreciate how you listened to me without interrupting earlier.”

5. Reflect on progress weekly

Goal: Stay motivated by noticing improvements.

• Action: Set aside 15 minutes each week to reflect together.

  • Questions:

    • What skill worked well this week?

    • What was challenging?

    • How did it make each of us feel?

• Adjustment: Decide if any skills need more practice or if new ones should be added.

6. Make it fun!

Goal: Reduce the heaviness of “homework.”

• Action: Turn practice into a game or a challenge.

• Example: A “no-interrupting” challenge during dinner, with a fun reward for success.

7. Seek accountability support

Goal: Encourage follow-through without nagging.

• Action: Use a code word to remind each other to use a skill without sounding critical.

• Example: Agree on a neutral word like “pause” to signal when one partner is getting reactive.

8. Reconnect with your therapist, as needed

Goal: Maintain momentum and troubleshoot roadblocks.

• Action: Schedule a mid-point check-in with the therapist to discuss challenges and adjust strategies.

This plan balances structure with flexibility and emphasizes positive reinforcement to keep both partners motivated. Would you like to focus more on any part of this plan? 😊Contact Bee Blissful today if some of these activities sound helpful for your situation, or you would like more assistance in building trust in your relationship.

How To Create Accountability

Creating accountability for yourself when internal motivation is lacking and you feel disconnected from respecting your own wishes can be challenging but entirely possible. Here's a step-by-step approach to build external structures that foster accountability and help you align with your goals:

1. Make Goals Concrete and Visible

• Write down your goals and break them into smaller, actionable steps.

• Post them in a place where you see them daily (e.g., a whiteboard, journal, or phone lock screen).

• Focus on "why" these goals matter to you—tie them to your values or long-term vision.

2. Set External Consequences

• Create a system where not following through has a cost. For example, pledge a certain amount of money to a cause you dislike if you don’t complete a task.

• Alternatively, reward yourself for accomplishing milestones, even if the reward is small (e.g., treating yourself to something you enjoy).

3. Use Structured Tools

• Use apps like Habitica, Todoist, or Trello to track tasks and set reminders.

• Set deadlines and prioritize tasks daily to build consistency.

• Schedule tasks into your calendar like appointments.

4. Find an Accountability Partner

• Share your goals with a trusted friend, family member, or coach.

• Check in with them regularly, whether weekly or daily, and report on your progress.

• Even sharing updates over text or email can help create a sense of obligation.

5. Start Small and Focus on Wins

• Focus on easy wins initially to build momentum. For example, if you're trying to work out, commit to 5 minutes rather than an hour.

• Celebrate small victories to help rebuild trust in yourself.

6. Externalize Motivation Temporarily

• Use external motivators like podcasts, audiobooks, or videos that inspire action.

• Visualize the impact of accomplishing your goals (better health, success, etc.) rather than focusing on the struggle.

7. Rebuild Trust in Yourself

• Commit to small promises daily, even if they’re minor. For example, “I’ll take a 2-minute walk today.”

• Follow through consistently to restore confidence in your ability to respect your internal wishes.

8. Reflect and Reassess

• Reflect daily or weekly on what’s working and what’s not.

• Adjust your system if necessary, ensuring it's sustainable and aligned with your energy levels.

Accountability isn’t about perfection—it's about creating systems that keep you on track, even when internal motivation wavers. Over time, small actions will reinforce the belief that you can trust yourself.

Contact Bee Blissful if there is something specific you’re working on that’s testing your patience, a therapist can help.