What Are “Fair Fighting” Rules?
Fair fighting rules are guidelines designed to promote healthy and constructive communication during conflicts, especially in relationships. These rules help individuals resolve disagreements respectfully and productively, avoiding escalation or harm. Below are some commonly accepted fair fighting rules:
Stay Focused on the Issue: Address one issue at a time without bringing up past conflicts or unrelated problems.
Use "I" Statements: Express your feelings and needs without blaming, such as "I feel hurt when…" instead of "You always…".
Avoid Name-Calling and Insults: Focus on resolving the issue, not attacking the other person’s character.
Take Responsibility: Own your part in the conflict and avoid defensiveness.
No Interrupting: Let the other person speak without cutting them off, and listen actively.
Stick to the Present: Avoid bringing up old grievances unless they are directly relevant to the current conflict.
Use a Calm Tone: Keep your voice steady and avoid yelling or being aggressive.
Take Breaks if Needed: If emotions are running too high, agree to pause and revisit the conversation after calming down.
Avoid Absolutes: Don’t use words like "always" or "never," as they exaggerate the problem and can make the other person defensive.
Seek Solutions Together: Focus on brainstorming compromises or solutions instead of trying to "win" the argument.
Respect Time and Space: Avoid starting arguments at inappropriate times or places.
Set Boundaries: Agree on a time limit for discussing conflicts and stick to it.
Apologize When Necessary: Acknowledge when you are wrong and offer a genuine apology.
Focus on Resolution, Not Retaliation: Aim to resolve the conflict rather than punish or get even.
Don’t Threaten: Avoid using threats or ultimatums to manipulate the other person into agreeing with you.
Following these rules creates a safe and respectful environment for resolving conflicts and strengthens communication and trust.
Contact Bee Blissful today if you think you’d benefit from couples counseling. A therapist can help.
